Derrida

I'm reading a book for an Emergent event I'll be attending in Philadelphia in a couple of weeks. I just finished a chapter that was very touching. The author is discussing the faith of a particular modern day, or postmodern day, philosopher named Derrida. The philosopher said that he was probably viewed as an atheist and yet he speaks of "my religion about which nobody understands." He speaks about his mother not wanting to ask him whether he still believes in God or not " but she must have known that the constancy of God in my life is called by other names." He states that there is always an atheist within me who contests my professions of belief, just as there is always a believer within me who contests my professions of unbelief. And finally Derrida wonders "if I ought to tell them that I pray," adding, "for if you knew...my experience of prayers, you would know everything, you would tell me whom to address them to." He wonders, too, "if those reading me from up there see my tears, today, if they guess my life was a long history of prayers, for these readers have understood everything, except that I have lived in prayer, tears."

I believe the author is saying there are believers who have almost all of the things of God figured out...and that is ok because it works for them. But there are many believers, especially in these days, who like Derrida, struggle greatly with what they believe and do not believe and yet continue to pray with tears and experience a constancy in their life which they may or may not name God. Perhaps most of us are somewhere in between these two kind of believing places.

I just know that I desire to listen to, learn from, and speak to people like Derrida who have a faith which many folks assume is not present but is actually quite real and authentic.

And that in the end, it is through the questioning, that new life emerges. Who am I? Who are You? Why am I here? And through the prayers and tears, life can be fully lived.